Anger

As I’ve watched E deliberately plunge me into an increasingly unmanageable financial situation over the last year or so my feelings have ranged from an initial stunned shock, through helplessness, bewilderment, disbelief, incredulity, hurt, irritation and, I guess inevitably, finally, anger. I’m angry with myself for my stupidity in thinking that E was a decent […]

Plate

It’s funny how metaphorical cups overflowing are seen as good, yet metaphorical plates being overloaded are undoubtedly bad.  Until recently, perhaps thinking more in terms of barbecues than metaphors, I’d rather have risked trying to balance an overloaded plate (potential to make it to my destination without dropping anything and then lots of nice stuff […]

Groundhog Day

I now have a court date – in either a beautiful stroke of irony, or a perfect example of sod’s law, it’s been fixed for my 50th birthday.   I guess, it will mark a new beginning, and a new freedom from E, whatever the court decides to do. However, my birthday is at the […]

Reply

Whilst some things in life are inevitable – death, taxes, and Oldest Son sleeping until 3pm on a Saturday – others are far less likely – things like winning the lottery, Youngest Daughter agreeing with me, or Boris Johnson saying “Ahhh, fuck this, the EU’s amazing actually”.  After months of non-communication, I’d long since filed […]

Limbo

One of my favourite Shakespeare plays is Titus Andronicus. It’s a blood soaked, slightly traumatic, play full of decapitated heads and lopped-off hands, and at its centre is Titus’ daughter Lavinia. Raped and then deprived of her hands and her tongue so that she can’t tell anyone who abused her (it takes until the end […]

Crunch

Well, I knew it was coming.  It was inevitable.  I’ve watched in despair as I got deeper and deeper into debt just to pay the mortgage, the bills and buy food, but the end of June, is officially crunch point – the moment when I touch the bottom of my overdraft and the point where […]

CMS

As E’s refusal to pay any child maintenance until legally forced to do so continues into its seventh month, I am finding myself swinging between two emotional extremes.  I have whole days where I feel unnaturally calm – I have an assurance that in the end everything will be ok, that this too will pass […]