Open Letter

I’ve said before that one of the most frustrating things about what’s happened to me, has been the loss of my voice.  In lying to me and about me, in creating a version of me to justify his actions, E robbed me of the ability to defend myself and to tell my truth. I very […]

5th December

Since E left, I’ve come to realise that some anniversaries hurt more than others.  I was expecting to feel rubbish on 22nd November.  22nd November 1991 was the day that E and I had become an official couple – after flirting and snogging a few days earlier, and after watching me ‘dance’ (I’m not one […]

Consequences

Never one to mince her words.  Youngest Daughter jumped straight into the comments thread with: “ooh look, it’s my dad, haven’t seen him since 2016” and frankly it then went downhill for him from there. I was in the room with her whilst she was commenting, and she was both exhilarated with and overwhelmed by […]

Perfect Storm

Youngest Daughter’s GCSE results marked the beginning of a downward slope for her.  In the days following the results I felt like I was walking a very high tightrope with no safety net.  Everything I said or suggested (or even didn’t say or suggest) would be met with an explosion of rage and a slammed door.  […]

Teens

In the midst of all of the worry about money and what, if anything, E intends financially for December, life goes on.  Despite the fact that I’m living in a state of almost constant anxiety about money, most of my time at home is still spent cooking, cleaning, doing laundry and shouting at the kids […]

Silence

Whilst E’s withholding money in November (I’ve yet to see what his plans are for December) has caused me personal anguish, the financial stress and worry I’ve felt has been nothing compared to the effect this has had on the children. I’ve tried to not let them see how distressing I’ve found it personally, but, […]

Bully

When I was 15, I was bullied by a group of about ten boys in my year. I was the new girl.  They were a gang that (ridiculously), called themselves The Swarm.  Their MO was to slowly approach and surround their target in the school playground, whilst slowly saying the word ‘swarm’.  Once they’d done […]

Money

The children’s reactions to E’s decision to withhold payment of the money were varied. Apart from Oldest Daughter, I didn’t tell them what had happened for a week or so.  To be honest, I was hoping that E had forgotten, or was just making a point before he paid the money.  When it became clear […]