Open Letter

I’ve said before that one of the most frustrating things about what’s happened to me, has been the loss of my voice.  In lying to me and about me, in creating a version of me to justify his actions, E robbed me of the ability to defend myself and to tell my truth. I very […]

Festival

I live in a small town in Bedfordshire called Ampthill.  I’m probably biased, but I think it’s an incredible little place.  According to a recent survey, it has the best high street in the country for independent retailers, and frankly, it must hold some sort of record for the ratio of pubs and coffee shops […]

Reply

Whilst some things in life are inevitable – death, taxes, and Oldest Son sleeping until 3pm on a Saturday – others are far less likely – things like winning the lottery, Youngest Daughter agreeing with me, or Boris Johnson saying “Ahhh, fuck this, the EU’s amazing actually”.  After months of non-communication, I’d long since filed […]

Limbo

One of my favourite Shakespeare plays is Titus Andronicus. It’s a blood soaked, slightly traumatic, play full of decapitated heads and lopped-off hands, and at its centre is Titus’ daughter Lavinia. Raped and then deprived of her hands and her tongue so that she can’t tell anyone who abused her (it takes until the end […]

Crunch

Well, I knew it was coming.  It was inevitable.  I’ve watched in despair as I got deeper and deeper into debt just to pay the mortgage, the bills and buy food, but the end of June, is officially crunch point – the moment when I touch the bottom of my overdraft and the point where […]

Victim

“You will never get the truth out of a Narcissist.  The closest you will ever come is a story that either makes them the victim or the hero, but never the villain” Shannon L Alder I’ve lost count of the number of times the term ‘narcissist’ has been offered up to me as an explanation […]

Envy

I’ve never been an envious or jealous person.  In fact, I often wonder if I had been a bit more jealous and possessive if E might have realised he was with someone who loved and valued him and been less tempted to have affairs.  Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t change myself for anything, but […]

CMS

As E’s refusal to pay any child maintenance until legally forced to do so continues into its seventh month, I am finding myself swinging between two emotional extremes.  I have whole days where I feel unnaturally calm – I have an assurance that in the end everything will be ok, that this too will pass […]