Open Letter

I’ve said before that one of the most frustrating things about what’s happened to me, has been the loss of my voice.  In lying to me and about me, in creating a version of me to justify his actions, E robbed me of the ability to defend myself and to tell my truth. I very […]

Honourable

E believes he is an honourable man. Don’t laugh. He really does. In the meantime, the rest of us are still struggling to reconcile the person we thought E was, with the person that the evidence is beginning to prove he actually is. There was the E I thought I was with for 25 years. […]

Ten Minutes

As I’ve already mentioned on here, I still struggle a bit on the days that E sees the boys. It has got easier as the months have gone on.  But I still find myself feeling the contrast between what ‘was’ and what ‘is’ on Saturdays. When E first left, Saturday mornings were incredibly hard.  Everyone […]

Stubborn

I found out I was pregnant with Youngest Daughter on 10th September 2001.  The next day, as I watched those planes slam into the twin towers, and consoled Oldest Daughter who was just staring at the TV saying ‘Mummy, a Bad Thing, has happened’, I wondered what kind of a world I was bringing a […]

Pigeon

There’s a phrase I love about pointless arguments:  “Never play chess with a pigeon: the pigeon just knocks all the pieces over, then shits all over the board, then struts around like it won.” Looking back on some of my recent communication with E, it seems strangely appropriate. These days communication between E and me […]

Bud – life lessons from a cat

A flippant exchange with Youngest Son this summer, over who was responsible for making lunch – where I suggested that he was perfectly capable of making himself a sandwich, and he replied, with a florid wink, and an ever-cautious readiness to run, that that, as his Mum, that was my job – made me ponder […]

Holiday

We’re now nearly two weeks into the school summer holidays and I’m already losing track of what day it is School summer holidays always assume a comforting, steady rhythm.  I’ve never filled the days with endless activities, for us the school holidays have always about being lazy, not getting up on time, and just enjoying […]