Honourable

E believes he is an honourable man. Don’t laugh. He really does. In the meantime, the rest of us are still struggling to reconcile the person we thought E was, with the person that the evidence is beginning to prove he actually is. There was the E I thought I was with for 25 years. […]

Last Times

I saw an advert for the brand of washing powder I used when the children were babies the other day.  Out of nowhere, as if it was yesterday, I vividly remembered its smell and inhaling it as I held my children. I could see the damp washing as it tumbled out of the machine and feel its coolness on […]

WhatsUp?

Communication with E seems to have reached a new low recently.  It seems that he has now stopped replying to my emails.  He’s never answered a text and he refuses to speak to me, so email was pretty much the only way I could communicate with him about the kids and money.  Now he’s not responding […]

Old Normal

Watching Youngest Son watch the football the other night, made me realise two things; firstly how much has changed, secondly how little has changed, since E left us. Whilst the kids and I have experienced a seismic shift emotionally, and in terms of our family dynamic, the fact is that in terms of our environment […]

The Beautiful Game

Another word cup season has rolled around and with it has come a host of memories. As well as the fact that England will probably go out on penalties, there is an additional sadness for me this time.  Whilst I’m largely grateful for the fact that I’m barely registering the football this year, it’s not […]

Weekend

Yesterday I went to my best friend of nearly 35 years parents’ house for a ‘goodbye’ do (she’s moving to the depths of beautiful Cornwall in a few weeks).  We met in our first year of upper school in 1983, and we have been friends ever since.  I felt quite tearful when I went to the […]

Fair

A couple of days ago, a friend at work asked me if I was writing this blog for E to read.  My answer was a rather surprised ‘no’. There were a few reasons I started writing this blog.  The first was to explore what had happened to me, to pull at strands of the tangled […]