Inevitably, my decision to hand responsibility for collecting child maintenance from E has created another problem. But, do you know what? I’m still massively glad that I did it. The main reason I’m glad is that it means I no longer have to deal with E. The reason it’s a problem is because, well, […]
Category: depression
Awake
As I explained in my last post, I finally have complete psychological freedom from E. If this were a movie, I’d have left him in a darkened forest, surrounded by gnarly old trees, twisting vines and grasping roots and, goblin like, he’d be shouting at my disappearing form that he’s still important, still relevant, can […]
Witness
I haven’t written about this before because I wasn’t really sure where to start and, as it’s about religion, I was conscious that I could offend. But as we approach another Christmas (I start planning very early), it’s on my mind, and I think enough time has passed to give me some perspective. Basically, the […]
Thestrals
“The only people who can see thestrals,” she said, “are people who have seen death.”Harry Potter and The Order Of The Phoenix – JK Rowling The day after my Mum died Oldest Son gave me a hug and said quietly: “you can see thestrals now”. In those five words Oldest Son encapsulated the most profound […]
July
July 2020 was a month in which everything in my life changed. By the end of July, I had moved to a new house, and started a whole new life. By the end of July, my priorities had shifted forever. By the end of July, my beautiful Mum, my anchor, my safety, the person my […]
Over
‘Over it’ is a funny term. It’s kind of an expectation. A thing that you need to do in order to be able to move on. It’s supposed to be a liberation. It can also be a pressure – a mountain to climb, or at least to prove that you’ve climbed When E and I […]
Pandemic
We’re all now aware of and experiencing the effects of the Covid 19 pandemic, but one thing that we’re increasingly warned of these days is another growing, but silent, problem that’s slowly, but surely creeping upon us as a result of the lockdowns, the social deprivations and the changes to our daily routines – a […]
Lowering the bar
Oldest Daughter once said with a sad sigh: “just when I think Dad can’t lower the bar anymore, he manages to crawl under it”. Since she said this, he’s managed to crawl under a fair few more of his lowered bars. In fact, I could have been forgiven for thinking his bar was finally at […]
Wall
They say in marathon running that there is a point (usually at around 2/3 of the way through) where you ‘hit the wall’ and that in order to complete it you need to keep running – runners do it by pacing themselves, taking on nutrition and making a huge mental effort – mind over matter. […]
An open letter to E
Dear E I’m not sure why I’m writing this. I don’t think it will achieve anything. In fact, if anything, it will feed into whatever narrative you’ve created to justify your behaviour and make you the hero of your story (or the victim of mine). I spent 25 years listening to you describe the people […]
He-total: Life without Ex 