Drill

This weekend was yet another one that was good for the soul.  I spent it gardening, baking with Oldest Son and reading.  It was also one, where, thanks largely to my garden, I began to reconsider what I was ‘good’ at and what I could and couldn’t do. I spent Saturday morning weeding, mowing the […]

Help

At the beginning of November, following numerous, increasingly distressed, emails from me, E had paid off the big loan I’d taken out for us the previous year and cleared most of the other debts (caused by the cost of the Singapore holiday and various things I’d had to pay out for on for the house […]

Rose Petal Perfume

When my sister and I were little we used to make perfume out of rose petals. We’d carefully pick the petals and mix them with cold water in plastic teacups.  In my head, we’d made a beautiful thing, although in actuality, our perfume was just muddy water with slimy bits of rose petal gloomily sinking […]

Softer

be softer with you you are a breathing thing a memory to someone a home to a life Nayyirah Waheed Never one to do things by halves, at the end of October 2017 I made the dramatic (and what now seems completely bloody mad) decision to give up alcohol for a whole year.  The possibility […]

Happy

This year’s May Bank Holiday weekend marked something very special for me. In terms of what I did, there wasn’t anything particularly new, but in terms of how it felt, it was completely different.  For the first time since E left, I felt that my family was entirely complete and very happy without him. E […]

Opinions and Advice

Pretty much since the minute people found out what has happened with E, I have been the recipient of much advice and opinion. Most of it has been good, almost all of it has been sympathetic, but occasionally the comments I received were insensitive, rude or just downright bizarre. As the news about E and […]

Open Letter

I’ve said before that one of the most frustrating things about what’s happened to me, has been the loss of my voice.  In lying to me and about me, in creating a version of me to justify his actions, E robbed me of the ability to defend myself and to tell my truth. I very […]