July

July 2020 was a month in which everything in my life changed.  By the end of July, I had moved to a new house, and started a whole new life.  By the end of July, my priorities had shifted forever.  By the end of July, my beautiful Mum, my anchor, my safety, the person my […]

Over

‘Over it’ is a funny term.  It’s kind of an expectation.  A thing that you need to do in order to be able to move on.  It’s supposed to be a liberation.  It can also be a pressure – a mountain to climb, or at least to prove that you’ve climbed When E and I […]

Lowering the bar

Oldest Daughter once said with a sad sigh: “just when I think Dad can’t lower the bar anymore, he manages to crawl under it”. Since she said this, he’s managed to crawl under a fair few more of his lowered bars. In fact, I could have been forgiven for thinking his bar was finally at […]

MP

  So. I wrote a letter to my MP… Hi Nadine and Steve I’m one of Nadine’s constituents, but I’m also writing to Steve because I know he has taken an interest in this issue. I really need some help with the CMS. I was with my partner, who I met at University for 25 […]

Child

It was inevitable I suppose.  It was what I’d been expecting since I found out that E and P had married.  I expected it to feel like a punch to the guts.  But when I was told that E and P were expecting a baby, I just laughed. The circumstances under which I found out, […]

Grandson

In the midst of the isolation of lockdown and the frustration of E’s complete non communication, there has been some amazing news. I am now a Grandma! My Grandson (who is, of course, absolutely beautiful, in fact, I’m pretty sure he’s the most beautiful baby born in the world EVER) was born on 4th April, […]

Wall

They say in marathon running that there is a point (usually at around 2/3 of the way through) where you ‘hit the wall’ and that in order to complete it you need to keep running – runners do it by pacing themselves, taking on nutrition and making a huge mental effort – mind over matter. […]

An open letter to E

Dear E I’m not sure why I’m writing this.  I don’t think it will achieve anything.  In fact, if anything, it will feed into whatever narrative you’ve created to justify your behaviour and make you the hero of your story (or the victim of mine). I spent 25 years listening to you describe the people […]