I had something of a ‘Saul on the road to Damascus’ moment the other day. Things are pretty good. I’m really beginning to feel that my life is mine again, and I am moving on from everything that has happened over the last six years. I’m learning to accept that it will never be fair, […]
Tag: kids
Countdown
After everything we’ve been through with E, I really thought we’d seen it all. We’ve had a secret marriage, a year of no child support and mortgage defaults, a complete refusal to communicate with me, at all, about anything ever (including messages regarding his child’s mental health crisis), we’re also resigned to the fact that […]
Awake
As I explained in my last post, I finally have complete psychological freedom from E. If this were a movie, I’d have left him in a darkened forest, surrounded by gnarly old trees, twisting vines and grasping roots and, goblin like, he’d be shouting at my disappearing form that he’s still important, still relevant, can […]
Free
It’s been a weird few weeks (hence the increased blog posts). In some ways it’s been tough, because a lot of quite traumatic memories have been dragged up, but ultimately, it’s been a time that’s confirmed how far I’ve come and how much better things are for me. I’ve realised how just happy I am and […]
Witness
I haven’t written about this before because I wasn’t really sure where to start and, as it’s about religion, I was conscious that I could offend. But as we approach another Christmas (I start planning very early), it’s on my mind, and I think enough time has passed to give me some perspective. Basically, the […]
Own
I think, generally, the kids and I are now in, what I suppose could be called ‘recovery’ from everything that’s happened to us over the last five years. We’re in a pretty calm place these days and, although, for me, there are clouds on the horizon in the shape of the threat of E withdrawing […]
Shoes
Now things have quietened down, I’m slowly beginning to try to process and make sense of everything that’s happened over the last four years or so. I’ve found I have very little specific memory of last year, especially last summer. It’s all a blur – losing my Mum, agreeing to let E have what he […]
Over
‘Over it’ is a funny term. It’s kind of an expectation. A thing that you need to do in order to be able to move on. It’s supposed to be a liberation. It can also be a pressure – a mountain to climb, or at least to prove that you’ve climbed When E and I […]
Anger
As I’ve watched E deliberately plunge me into an increasingly unmanageable financial situation over the last year or so my feelings have ranged from an initial stunned shock, through helplessness, bewilderment, disbelief, incredulity, hurt, irritation and, I guess inevitably, finally, anger. I’m angry with myself for my stupidity in thinking that E was a decent […]
A&E
By 10.30, I was sat in A&E waiting to be admitted. As I looked round the waiting room at my fellow patients, who included one woman ominously slumped over a pink bucket, a young man with a bloody nose, a pale, tearful, woman sitting opposite me, and a wheelchair-bound older chap who was cheerfully singing […]
He-total: Life without Ex 