Rose Petal Perfume

When my sister and I were little we used to make perfume out of rose petals. We’d carefully pick the petals and mix them with cold water in plastic teacups.  In my head, we’d made a beautiful thing, although in actuality, our perfume was just muddy water with slimy bits of rose petal gloomily sinking […]

Fallout

The fallout from Oldest Daughter’s discovery of P’s surname change was swift and emotional.After eight months of E-generated WTF moments, this was definitely the WTF-iest so far.  Given E’s reticence on the matter, we just couldn’t fathom why P would change her name in such a public way.  She must have known that E hadn’t […]

Open Letter

I’ve said before that one of the most frustrating things about what’s happened to me, has been the loss of my voice.  In lying to me and about me, in creating a version of me to justify his actions, E robbed me of the ability to defend myself and to tell my truth. I very […]

Singapore

I know that I’ve made much in this blog about how much I resent E for not just being honest and leaving for good in 2008.  However, there is one thing that takes the edge off that pain.  There is one thing that would never have happened if he had left – Singapore. In 2010, […]

Occam’s Razor

On Saturday I met up with one of my loveliest and best friends for the first time in about three years. We were at University together (she was there at the very beginning of E and my relationship) and whilst we don’t see each other very often, when we do it’s like no time has […]

Clouds

As May and June headed towards July, I began to feel that life was calming down and brightening up a bit – albeit with the odd cloud darkening our days every now and then. At the end of May, after I’d spent the best part of five months asking E to tell his parents what had […]

a foreign country

“The past is a foreign country; they do things differently there.”  – L P Hartley, The Go Between Yesterday I finally did something that I haven’t been able to face doing since E left.  I started re-reading the letters and emails that I had found (and I had written myself) when I discovered E’s first […]