Today I’m handing part of the blog over to one of Oldest Daughter’s best friends – C. They have been friends for most of their lives and C is one of the friends that has been by Oldest Daughter’s side throughout everything she’s been though as a result of E’s leaving. C, along with a few of Oldest Daughter’s other close friends, probably knows more than me about how Oldest Daughter feels and she’s one of the many people I’m grateful to for just being there for my daughter when she needed a friend the most. C also lives and works in London, and, in one of life’s lovely twists of fate, is currently a student at the company that P works for.
On Thursday evening, whilst on a break with extended family at Center Parcs (more of which later), I got a series of texts from Oldest Daughter saying that C was talking to E. As you’ll see from C’s account of the conversation below, it threw up another bombshell and left the kids even more hurt and confused that they already were,
To put this into context, last year E missed Youngest Son’s birthday because he said he was working. At the time I thought that was odd, because the first week of June is usually the beginning of a quiet time for him work-wise, but I didn’t question it. Then, a few weeks ago, Youngest Son came home in tears because his Dad had told him that he’d miss his birthday, again, because he was going to work in Singapore, and then taking a couple of weeks holiday there with P.
For Youngest Son this was yet another let down, from the man he’d idolised until a year or so ago. For me, it was also deeply hurtful. I know I have to get used to it and learn to live with it, but to me Singapore was so very special, it was something E and I did together with our children, it was our adventure, it was one of the happiest times of my life (and, I’d stupidly thought, of ours as a couple). I’d found it really hard being there with just the kids last year and I found it even harder thinking of him being there with someone else, visiting all the places we’d loved as a family and probably planning a future there (I have no doubt at all that he is angling for another long-term Singapore contract). Of course, I’ve since found out that before and after our Singapore stay he was seeing Forum Post Woman and that during his year there solo he was busy shagging O, but somehow, my memories of Singapore had remained untainted by this. The thought of him, of them, there together was really hard for me. Somehow it felt like they would be dancing on my grave. Not only that, but it is very, very, hard accepting that he’s behaved in such an utterly despicable way, and is somehow getting rewarded for it – his life is getting better and better – whilst, I did nothing wrong, and yet my life is becoming increasingly difficult, both financially and personally.
So, we’re still all digesting the news that E is heading to ‘our’ Singapore with a woman the kids have never even met when Oldest Daughter gets a text from C (and immediately texts me). C, and her friend, M are in a bar and have just spotted E and P. I’ll let C take up the story:
“So I was basically eyeing-up his truffle cooked chips when I noticed that he looked a lot like an older version of Oldest Daughter’s dad. I immediately told M (she’s always known the story – we study at **** together and I was sat next to her when Oldest Daughter found P was using E’s surname on LinkedIn). I was saying ‘well if I don’t say anything I’ll regret it’ to M. So after ten minutes we grabbed our stuff (I knew I wasn’t going to hang around picking up my bags after this conversation!) and walked over.
E: Hi! You’re one of Oldest Daughter’s friends aren’t you! I’ve been looking at you wondering whether it was you!
C: Yeah! *turning to P* honestly the number of times this man has driven me home!
I made sure we had a solid foundation of pleasant small talk so I used an overly friendly voice and we spoke about my exams, where he was living now etc. I think P didn’t see any threat and thought I was genuinely happy for them because she was more than happy to offer up info. For example, halfway through the small talk I said ‘so you’re married now!’ and she went ‘yeah!! It’s actually our anniversary next week’.
Once I brought up the marriage and they told me they had it on the beach in Florida, M broke away with P and used the fact that M is getting engaged this year to probe for more information from P, and I was left continuing small talk with E.
*a few minutes of small talk (me gently prodding him by saying how proud of the kids he must be)*
E: So do you still speak to Oldest Daughter?
C: Yeah, every single day.
I give him a bit of a LOOK and think right this is my time to shine. I bring P back into the conversation by looking at them both when I speak. It is important to remember that my tone didn’t change at all throughout the whole conversation. Imagine this all in a sickly sweet small talk voice.
C: So I’m assuming it was a small wedding.
P: Yeah just close family.
C: Oh so you had your family there?
P: Yeah not everyone, just the closest.
C: E, did you have any family there?
C: Did you tell your kids you were getting married at least?
E: No *awkward smirk*
C: Did you even reply to their texts when they directly asked you if you were married?
E: No *another awkward smirk*
C: Fair enough to be honest, yeah I completely understand that. Like, you don’t REALLY have an obligation do you? They don’t really deserve to know anyway, especially when you’re marrying the woman you cheated on their mother with.
P: Well I suppose it depends how you define cheating
C: Umm well I suppose personally I would say that cheating would be E sleeping with you and another woman at the same time he was still with J?
C: *turns to E* actually E, have you read J’s blog?
E: No I haven’t
C: You really should! It’s a great read. Basically she just outlines all of the affairs you had; specifically the one you had with P here and that other woman at the same time as each other! *turns to P* It’s called bewaremysting.com.
C: Anyway, It was LOVELY to catch up! Bye! * C and M turn around and exit*
M, the detective, later told me:
– P doesn’t want kids
– She wore two wedding dresses
– She chose her own ring. It was rose gold with a diamond.
– She was carrying a real Luis Vuitton bag. M says it was £900.”
I’ll just pause here for a brief moment to give C and M a fucking massive round of applause.
So – not only were they married, but they got married a whole year ago. They got married in the first week of June 2017 – which was less than five months after he’d walked out on us.
This provoked a pretty immediate reaction from Oldest Daughter. She texted me saying “Every time I think I can’t got more angry or be more disappointed he comes up with something new, and I never have time to get over the last thing, or address it.”
Not only that, but, as Oldest Daughter then pointed out, he’d clearly poured thousands of pounds into a year-long marriage that he hadn’t told his kids or family about. To be fair, he’s always sent the money I’d asked for to pay for the kids and I, but I’ve only ever asked for the essentials, and have never asked for enough money to save/put aside for a rainy day (meaning new school uniforms for the kids are always a financial challenge and a family holiday, or a car, are completely out of the question). So, the kids and I were doing without and economising left right and centre whilst he was spending a fortune on a Florida wedding to impress P.
I was also struck by P’s remark re ‘it depends how you define cheating’. What the actual fuck? After the events of the last eighteen months it takes a lot to gobsmack me, but this managed it. Does she really believe that what they did, that their relationship in the two years he was still with me, wasn’t cheating? What on earth could he have told her that could make her think that? Actually, no matter what he told her, surely she has a brain in her head, surely she knew that he had a partner and four kids that he hadn’t left – and didn’t leave for the first two years of their relationship (in fact he didn’t leave until I asked him to) – why on earth did she think that was?
As my (impressively sweary) Mum and Oldest Daughter both pointed out all of this also raised a possibility that I hadn’t considered before. I’d always assumed that there must be ‘something in it’ for someone as young and attractive as P to want to be with someone as, well, not-young-and-attractive, as E. Maybe, actually, she has plenty of money (two wedding dresses, close family at the wedding, £900 handbag?) and E married her because he wants to ensure he can enjoy her money? I could always see what E saw in P (young, adoring, plenty of sex, none of the day-to-day stresses that come with having a family of six and a mountain of debt), so I hadn’t even considered that there might be any other attraction. To be honest, the admiration and the sex would be more than enough for E, but if there was also the tantalising chance to live the life he always wanted (living in the city, bars, meals out, no kids to cramp his style), I’m guessing that would seal the deal. Of course I’m speculating, but, IF this is true, it makes what on earth P sees in E almost unfathomable.
Oldest Daughter and I kept this encounter to ourselves. We didn’t tell the other kids (I was worried how Youngest Daughter would react and I knew Youngest Son would be devastated if he knew his Dad had missed his birthday last year because he was marrying P).
However, just two days later, a very upset Youngest Son appeared in my room brandishing his phone again. E had changed his WhatsApp profile picture.
5 thoughts on “Bar”
I hope you realize that his narcissism and sociopathy are running that train. The sooner you, and your family, put him in your review mirror the better. He sounds like a real treasure.
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Absolutely. I’m actually hoping he gets a two/three year Singapore gig and disappears for a while…
I agree with Moi, the sooner you all put him in the past, the better. Easier said than done for the little ones though but you’ll all get there in the end. I wholeheartedly congratulate you on your dignity and self respect. A very close family memberof mine has a husband who lives away from home, she knows about his “escapades” and so do his kids and the middle.child.has been affected similarly to your youngest daughter. But when he decides to visit them, he bullies them and pushes them around. I so wish this woman had your strength to divorce the prick and get on with her life, instead of hanging around like a door mat.
I wish you all strength and inner peace.
X X X X X X
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Thank you. ❤️.
Yes, I’m trying to relegate him to the past, but, as you say, it’s hard to when there are kids involved and also when things are so unsettled legally (I have no idea what will happen re my home or financially going forward). But yes, I sometimes wish I had the luxury that he’s had of cutting me/us off completely and starting a brand new life.
Unfortunately he’s left us in the middle of our old life and trying to navigate our way towards a new one.
We’ll get there though. 🙂
I hope that time comes soon. X
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