There’s a quote that says: “ever underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups”. I’ve always thought of this in terms of politicians and mobs, but it also applies to large, bureaucratic, organisations, particularly Government ones. They’re powerful – the benefits and tax systems in this country affect actual lives – and they’re run by […]
Category: Child Maintenance Service
Letter
Hi Mum I wish I could talk to you again, ask your advice again. Instead, I’m writing, like I used to do when I was at University and I spilled my heart and my hopes out to you knowing that you’d reply with your advice, your approval, your validation. I hope this letter is a […]
Forgiveness
I don’t very often talk about E these days. When I see friends I haven’t seen for a while, he still occasionally crops up, but that part of the conversation is usually done and dusted within a few minutes before we move onto something more interesting. The conversations tend to go along these lines: Friend: […]
Should
I had something of a ‘Saul on the road to Damascus’ moment the other day. Things are pretty good. I’m really beginning to feel that my life is mine again, and I am moving on from everything that has happened over the last six years. I’m learning to accept that it will never be fair, […]
Control
Inevitably, my decision to hand responsibility for collecting child maintenance from E has created another problem. But, do you know what? I’m still massively glad that I did it. The main reason I’m glad is that it means I no longer have to deal with E. The reason it’s a problem is because, well, […]
Awake
As I explained in my last post, I finally have complete psychological freedom from E. If this were a movie, I’d have left him in a darkened forest, surrounded by gnarly old trees, twisting vines and grasping roots and, goblin like, he’d be shouting at my disappearing form that he’s still important, still relevant, can […]
Free
It’s been a weird few weeks (hence the increased blog posts). In some ways it’s been tough, because a lot of quite traumatic memories have been dragged up, but ultimately, it’s been a time that’s confirmed how far I’ve come and how much better things are for me. I’ve realised how just happy I am and […]
Witness
I haven’t written about this before because I wasn’t really sure where to start and, as it’s about religion, I was conscious that I could offend. But as we approach another Christmas (I start planning very early), it’s on my mind, and I think enough time has passed to give me some perspective. Basically, the […]
Insanity
There’s a quote that regularly does the rounds on social media. It’s usually wrongly attributed to Einstein, but it does have an air of his quirky brilliance to it: “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.” By this definition, the last six years have […]
Shoes
Now things have quietened down, I’m slowly beginning to try to process and make sense of everything that’s happened over the last four years or so. I’ve found I have very little specific memory of last year, especially last summer. It’s all a blur – losing my Mum, agreeing to let E have what he […]
He-total: Life without Ex 