11th January this year marked eight years since I asked E to leave. This year’s anniversary has coincided with a personal milestone moment for me and marks, I think, the point at which I have moved so completely into the new life that I have made for myself that I’m not sure that the Me […]
Tag: acca
Stupid
There’s a quote that says: “ever underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups”. I’ve always thought of this in terms of politicians and mobs, but it also applies to large, bureaucratic, organisations, particularly Government ones. They’re powerful – the benefits and tax systems in this country affect actual lives – and they’re run by […]
Letter
Hi Mum I wish I could talk to you again, ask your advice again. Instead, I’m writing, like I used to do when I was at University and I spilled my heart and my hopes out to you knowing that you’d reply with your advice, your approval, your validation. I hope this letter is a […]
Forgiveness
I don’t very often talk about E these days. When I see friends I haven’t seen for a while, he still occasionally crops up, but that part of the conversation is usually done and dusted within a few minutes before we move onto something more interesting. The conversations tend to go along these lines: Friend: […]
Countdown
After everything we’ve been through with E, I really thought we’d seen it all. We’ve had a secret marriage, a year of no child support and mortgage defaults, a complete refusal to communicate with me, at all, about anything ever (including messages regarding his child’s mental health crisis), we’re also resigned to the fact that […]
Awake
As I explained in my last post, I finally have complete psychological freedom from E. If this were a movie, I’d have left him in a darkened forest, surrounded by gnarly old trees, twisting vines and grasping roots and, goblin like, he’d be shouting at my disappearing form that he’s still important, still relevant, can […]
Free
It’s been a weird few weeks (hence the increased blog posts). In some ways it’s been tough, because a lot of quite traumatic memories have been dragged up, but ultimately, it’s been a time that’s confirmed how far I’ve come and how much better things are for me. I’ve realised how just happy I am and […]
Own
I think, generally, the kids and I are now in, what I suppose could be called ‘recovery’ from everything that’s happened to us over the last five years. We’re in a pretty calm place these days and, although, for me, there are clouds on the horizon in the shape of the threat of E withdrawing […]
Shoes
Now things have quietened down, I’m slowly beginning to try to process and make sense of everything that’s happened over the last four years or so. I’ve found I have very little specific memory of last year, especially last summer. It’s all a blur – losing my Mum, agreeing to let E have what he […]
Court
28th October 2019. My 50th birthday. I like birthdays. Especially mine. No matter how old I get, I always get that happy feeling on the morning of my birthday – a feeling that nice things will happen, there will be cake, and friends and good stuff. As a result, I’ve had some memorable birthdays. When […]
He-total: Life without Ex 