Body

One of the first things I did when I found out about E’s affairs was look at photographs of the woman he had been involved with and compare myself to them.  I didn’t even question why I did it, it was just instinct – if I wasn’t good enough what did they have that made […]

WhatsUp?

Communication with E seems to have reached a new low recently.  It seems that he has now stopped replying to my emails.  He’s never answered a text and he refuses to speak to me, so email was pretty much the only way I could communicate with him about the kids and money.  Now he’s not responding […]

Old Normal

Watching Youngest Son watch the football the other night, made me realise two things; firstly how much has changed, secondly how little has changed, since E left us. Whilst the kids and I have experienced a seismic shift emotionally, and in terms of our family dynamic, the fact is that in terms of our environment […]

Fathers’ Day

It was Fathers’ Day on Sunday, and whilst the kids didn’t particularly lament the lack of their Dad (in fact none of them noticed  – Youngest Son only remembered because I asked him if he’d wished his Dad a Happy Father’s Day), it did make me reflect upon E’s role as a ‘father figure’. In […]

Fair

A couple of days ago, a friend at work asked me if I was writing this blog for E to read.  My answer was a rather surprised ‘no’. There were a few reasons I started writing this blog.  The first was to explore what had happened to me, to pull at strands of the tangled […]

The Secret Diary of E, aged 37 3/4* *(according to J). The Early Years: Part One

Over the last year or so loads of people have asked me what on earth was going on in E’s head.  I usually shrug, shake my head and say something along the lines of ‘unfathomable’.  But maybe, just maybe, I can guess.  Below is the first in a series of light-hearted attempts to look at […]

Peace

I noticed today that I started this blog on 19th February 2018.  By sheer coincidence this was the 10th anniversary of the day that I found out about E’s first affair.  I didn’t deliberately choose the date, but it now seems strangely serendipitous that the date that everything started to fall apart ten years ago, […]

In his words

Today, I’m doing something I didn’t think I would ever do.  I’m handing today’s blog over to E. I thought long and hard before doing this.  After all, this blog is all about me finding MY voice and trying to give a voice to other people who have had their lives blighted by infidelity.  The […]

Bar

Today I’m handing part of the blog over to one of Oldest Daughter’s best friends – C.  They have been friends for most of their lives and C is one of the friends that has been by Oldest Daughter’s side throughout everything she’s been though as a result of E’s leaving.  C, along with a […]

Drill

This weekend was yet another one that was good for the soul.  I spent it gardening, baking with Oldest Son and reading.  It was also one, where, thanks largely to my garden, I began to reconsider what I was ‘good’ at and what I could and couldn’t do. I spent Saturday morning weeding, mowing the […]