I think it’s probably testament to how stressful my life has become recently that one of my pet fantasies had become having to spend a couple of days in hospital. Not, obviously, for anything serious but for something like a minor op, something that would force me to stay in bed, not deal with day-to-day […]
Category: depression
Weasel
When asked to describe what his plays were about, Harold Pinter famously replied: ‘the weasel under the cocktail cabinet’. This perfectly describes the sense of unease, even dread, that pervades the seemingly ‘normal’ world of his plays. Like a Pinter play, without the long pauses, on the surface everything in my world is perfectly normal […]
Turn
It’s funny how a day can suddenly change, can suddenly turn from being a beautiful, positive thing, full of potential, into a nightmare. This happened the day I found out about E’s first affair (we had identical phones, and I picked up his, thinking it was mine, to find hundreds of texts between E and […]
Wine
“Life goes on” can be a cruelly truthful phrase. At first, when a loved one dies, or life changes irreversibly, you feel that everything has stood still for you, and watching the rest of the world carry on as if nothing has happened is a strange, and occasionally hurtful, experience. However, inevitably, as days lengthen […]
Dishes
All of a sudden, in the weeks running up to Christmas, Oldest Son seemed to reach Peak Teen. My mild mannered, quietly sardonic son became slightly moody, his amusingly sarcastic comments became increasingly biting and his usual amused patience with me and his siblings was replaced with an increasingly bemused irritation. It was bound to […]
Humpty Dumpty
“When I use a word,” Humpty Dumpty said, in rather a scornful tone, “it means just what I choose it to mean – neither more nor less.” I’ve spent a lot of the last two years wondering how E would describe his behaviour or behave when confronted with it. I’ve seen (and quoted) emails he […]
Christmas Spirit
When he realises that the Spirits of Christmas Past, Present and Yet To Come have done their work all in one night, and not over the course of three consecutive days, as originally promised, Ebenezer Scrooge is both surprised and delighted. I love this story, but I always thought that, despite his conversion, at this […]
Fix you
Ever since everything happened with E, one of the things I have tried to do, some days with more success than others, is balance being honest with the children about what is happening, with protecting them as much as possible from hurt. I think I’ve got better at it as time has gone on. In […]
Live
Youngest Daughter’s attempts to make her dad listen to her took another turn at the weekend. Until she hijacked his Facebook Live lecture the previous week, I’d managed to (mostly) keep her from talking about what was happening on social media. However, the fact that even spilling the beans about what was happening live on […]
Down
Sometimes I think the worst thing about what’s currently happening with E is the fact that, after everything he has already put me though, he is finally leeching the joy out of my life. Until now, whilst I’ve had bad days, I’ve generally managed to stay upbeat and positive and have usually kept going with my […]
He-total: Life without Ex 