Last Friday provided two pictures that contrasted sharply, and beautifully summed up how my and E’s lives, and perspectives, have changed over the last 18 months. Friday was Youngest Daughter’s Year 11 Prom. Like Oldest Daughter’s moving into University for the first time, this was another moment that I had just assumed E and I would […]
Tag: family
Bad Day
I’ve had a few days this week where I’ve felt really down about everything. It’s so frustrating when these days hit – it’s bad enough what E did, but the fact that it’s still hurting and upsetting me 18 months on just feels unfair and makes me feel like I’m being self-indulgent – surely I […]
Domestic Bliss
Over the years I have developed complex relationships with my domestic appliances. Sad as it may sound, to me, they’re not just machines they’re domestic companions (to whom I’m largely grateful – I wouldn’t like to attempt the laundry for six people by hand). Whilst they’ve broken down over the years (who wouldn’t, given the […]
Body
One of the first things I did when I found out about E’s affairs was look at photographs of the woman he had been involved with and compare myself to them. I didn’t even question why I did it, it was just instinct – if I wasn’t good enough what did they have that made […]
Last Times
I saw an advert for the brand of washing powder I used when the children were babies the other day. Out of nowhere, as if it was yesterday, I vividly remembered its smell and inhaling it as I held my children. I could see the damp washing as it tumbled out of the machine and feel its coolness on […]
WhatsUp?
Communication with E seems to have reached a new low recently. It seems that he has now stopped replying to my emails. He’s never answered a text and he refuses to speak to me, so email was pretty much the only way I could communicate with him about the kids and money. Now he’s not responding […]
Old Normal
Watching Youngest Son watch the football the other night, made me realise two things; firstly how much has changed, secondly how little has changed, since E left us. Whilst the kids and I have experienced a seismic shift emotionally, and in terms of our family dynamic, the fact is that in terms of our environment […]
The Beautiful Game
Another word cup season has rolled around and with it has come a host of memories. As well as the fact that England will probably go out on penalties, there is an additional sadness for me this time. Whilst I’m largely grateful for the fact that I’m barely registering the football this year, it’s not […]
GCSEs
I’m pleased to report that we have officially survived the 2018 GCSE Season here at Team He-Total. I’m not going to lie, it’s been hard going. Poor Youngest Daughter has had many demons to battle on top of her exams and it’s been an emotionally draining month for all of us, but I’m proud of […]
Weekend
Yesterday I went to my best friend of nearly 35 years parents’ house for a ‘goodbye’ do (she’s moving to the depths of beautiful Cornwall in a few weeks). We met in our first year of upper school in 1983, and we have been friends ever since. I felt quite tearful when I went to the […]
He-total: Life without Ex 