Attrition

“Attrition warfare is a military strategy consisting of belligerent attempts to win a war by wearing down the enemy to the point of collapse through continuous losses in personnel and material. The war will usually be won by the side with greater such resources.”  It’s now approaching five months since E communicated with me at […]

Spite and Malice

“Spite and Malice, also known as Cat and Mouse, is a traditional card game for two or more players. It is a form of competitive solitaire with a number of variations that can be played with two or three regular decks of cards.” The film The Wars of The Roses was the first time I thought of divorce as a […]

A day in the life

Even though I’m constantly aware of what’s coming if E keeps withholding child maintenance, it doesn’t actually dominate my life – there’s no room for it to.  Generally, my life is not just ‘carrying on’, most days it’s enjoyable, funny and rewarding – although nothing ever goes quite to plan. Whilst I’d love to live […]

Nero

Like most children, when I was little I was irrationally scared of ‘monsters’. My personal demons were the monster under the bed, the Cybermen, the Sandman (horrific concept), and (bizarre, I know) the Roman Emperor Nero I can’t remember how I learned about Nero – it may well have been because I was aware of […]

Dishes

All of a sudden, in the weeks running up to Christmas, Oldest Son seemed to reach Peak Teen. My mild mannered, quietly sardonic son became slightly moody, his amusingly sarcastic comments became increasingly biting and his usual amused patience with me and his siblings was replaced with an increasingly bemused irritation. It was bound to […]

Fix you

Ever since everything happened with E, one of the things I have tried to do, some days with more success than others, is balance being honest with the children about what is happening, with protecting them as much as possible from hurt. I think I’ve got better at it as time has gone on.  In […]

5th December

Since E left, I’ve come to realise that some anniversaries hurt more than others.  I was expecting to feel rubbish on 22nd November.  22nd November 1991 was the day that E and I had become an official couple – after flirting and snogging a few days earlier, and after watching me ‘dance’ (I’m not one […]

Consequences

Never one to mince her words.  Youngest Daughter jumped straight into the comments thread with: “ooh look, it’s my dad, haven’t seen him since 2016” and frankly it then went downhill for him from there. I was in the room with her whilst she was commenting, and she was both exhilarated with and overwhelmed by […]

Teens

In the midst of all of the worry about money and what, if anything, E intends financially for December, life goes on.  Despite the fact that I’m living in a state of almost constant anxiety about money, most of my time at home is still spent cooking, cleaning, doing laundry and shouting at the kids […]

Silence

Whilst E’s withholding money in November (I’ve yet to see what his plans are for December) has caused me personal anguish, the financial stress and worry I’ve felt has been nothing compared to the effect this has had on the children. I’ve tried to not let them see how distressing I’ve found it personally, but, […]