They say in marathon running that there is a point (usually at around 2/3 of the way through) where you ‘hit the wall’ and that in order to complete it you need to keep running – runners do it by pacing themselves, taking on nutrition and making a huge mental effort – mind over matter. […]
Category: Health
An open letter to E
Dear E I’m not sure why I’m writing this. I don’t think it will achieve anything. In fact, if anything, it will feed into whatever narrative you’ve created to justify your behaviour and make you the hero of your story (or the victim of mine). I spent 25 years listening to you describe the people […]
Brain
Sometimes, being the Human Passenger piloted by my brain can be an exhausting experience. It’s a bit like being ruled by a hyperactive toddler who’s been fed sugar, caffeine and been given a kitten. When I was visiting Oldest Daughter in Durham, my train journey, that I’d hoped would be a quiet, peaceful few hours, was […]
Different
I was thinking the other day about how different and how very much harder my children’s experience of E leaving has been to mine. In the almost three years since E left, I have spent so much time reassuring the kids that he’ll always be their Dad, that’s it’s me he’s left, not them, and […]
Anger
As I’ve watched E deliberately plunge me into an increasingly unmanageable financial situation over the last year or so my feelings have ranged from an initial stunned shock, through helplessness, bewilderment, disbelief, incredulity, hurt, irritation and, I guess inevitably, finally, anger. I’m angry with myself for my stupidity in thinking that E was a decent […]
Plate
It’s funny how metaphorical cups overflowing are seen as good, yet metaphorical plates being overloaded are undoubtedly bad. Until recently, perhaps thinking more in terms of barbecues than metaphors, I’d rather have risked trying to balance an overloaded plate (potential to make it to my destination without dropping anything and then lots of nice stuff […]
Reggie
I’ve never really been a dog person, I don’t mind them (although I do find dogs that jump up a bit overwhelming), and, unlike cats, who pretty much just need feeding and somewhere to sleep, they need so much personal care – they need training to behave well, daily or twice daily walking, grooming and […]
Groundhog Day
I now have a court date – in either a beautiful stroke of irony, or a perfect example of sod’s law, it’s been fixed for my 50th birthday. I guess, it will mark a new beginning, and a new freedom from E, whatever the court decides to do. However, my birthday is at the […]
Second Wave
I’ve talked a lot on this blog about how I’ve moved on from E and how happy I am that he’s no longer a part of my personal life. Every day gets better and every day I’m happier. However, hand in hand with this, or a side effect of getting emotionally so much better, is […]
Reply
Whilst some things in life are inevitable – death, taxes, and Oldest Son sleeping until 3pm on a Saturday – others are far less likely – things like winning the lottery, Youngest Daughter agreeing with me, or Boris Johnson saying “Ahhh, fuck this, the EU’s amazing actually”. After months of non-communication, I’d long since filed […]
He-total: Life without Ex 