Losing

When your partner leaves you for another woman, you’re inevitably seen as the ‘loser’. No matter how many people tell you that you’re ‘better off without him’ or that he’s ‘made a mistake he’ll regret’, that it’s ‘his loss’, or even that his new relationship ‘will never last’, the simple fact of the matter is that, […]

Honourable

E believes he is an honourable man. Don’t laugh. He really does. In the meantime, the rest of us are still struggling to reconcile the person we thought E was, with the person that the evidence is beginning to prove he actually is. There was the E I thought I was with for 25 years. […]

Ten Minutes

As I’ve already mentioned on here, I still struggle a bit on the days that E sees the boys. It has got easier as the months have gone on.  But I still find myself feeling the contrast between what ‘was’ and what ‘is’ on Saturdays. When E first left, Saturday mornings were incredibly hard.  Everyone […]

Stubborn

I found out I was pregnant with Youngest Daughter on 10th September 2001.  The next day, as I watched those planes slam into the twin towers, and consoled Oldest Daughter who was just staring at the TV saying ‘Mummy, a Bad Thing, has happened’, I wondered what kind of a world I was bringing a […]

Pigeon

There’s a phrase I love about pointless arguments:  “Never play chess with a pigeon: the pigeon just knocks all the pieces over, then shits all over the board, then struts around like it won.” Looking back on some of my recent communication with E, it seems strangely appropriate. These days communication between E and me […]

Holiday

We’re now nearly two weeks into the school summer holidays and I’m already losing track of what day it is School summer holidays always assume a comforting, steady rhythm.  I’ve never filled the days with endless activities, for us the school holidays have always about being lazy, not getting up on time, and just enjoying […]

End of Term Report

Last Friday marked the end of the first whole school year that the kids and I have done on our own. Looking back, I’m incredibly proud of my little gang.  This time last year we were still struggling in the wake of E’s leaving and trying to get used to being a family of five […]

Fictions

Back in April, there was an interesting moment on twitter.   A female user challenged women to describe themselves in the way they thought a male writer would portray them. There were some brilliant tweets.  Here are a couple of my favourites: “Her breasts entered the room before her far less interesting face, decidedly maternal […]