When we moved to Singapore the first proper storm we experienced – at 3am – resulted in a Sound of Music-esque scene, where, with each fresh crash of thunder, a different child ran barefoot into my room and threw themselves under my duvet. For those first few months my bed became a place of sanctuary […]
Tag: middleage
Grenades
I’m breaking with this blog’s usual ‘timeline’ to interject with something that happened today. I wanted to mark it, diarise it, write about it whilst it was fresh. So far, this blog has been retrospective, and I’ve had months to calm down and try to put things in perspective before writing, but today provided an […]
Aftershocks
If E leaving and all the stuff surrounding it, was the initial earthquake, then I suppose I should have expected some aftershocks. One of the things that constantly surprises about this whole thing has been how long it is taking me to ‘get over it’, and how hurt I have been by it. I know […]
First Day
In what would be a year of Firsts after E left, I think my first day at work in 19 years was one of the most daunting. I had literally been at home since September 1998. I was used to my own company, my own rules. I was used to silence and my own space. […]
Dark Hours Symphony
It’s a very long time since I did O’ Level music (the fact that it was an O’ Level, not a GCSE, is indicative of exactly how long), but it occurred to me the other night (when I was wide awake, obvs) that my Dark Hours Anxiety has a particular pattern and follows an almost […]
Him
I’ve written about P here, but, really, she’s sort of irrelevant. E would have done what he did with another student if she hadn’t been there. But what about E? What do I think about E? The answer might seem obvious and rather sweary, but actually, it’s a tricky one. I visited a solicitor not […]
Success
In lots of ways Sober March was going quite well. I was walking 3-4 kilometers a day, I was making sure I ate loads of fruit and vegetables (ever one for a challenge, I’d set myself a target of 10 portions a day, just to see if it was possible) and, whilst I was still […]
Kids
By Mid-March I had begun to realise that as far as the kids were concerned, I was it. There wasn’t anyone else anymore. Whilst I’m sure he’d help if he could, E had moved over forty miles away. Neither his family nor mine were local. I had lots of amazing, incredibly supportive, friends who would […]
Her
So far I’ve only talked about P in passing, along with O, K and Forum Post Woman, as ‘the other women’. I haven’t allocated any real importance to her or any emotion towards her, and that’s because, I genuinely don’t really feel very much about her. I know some women would, quite understandably, feel anger, […]
Slippers and rats
If looking for a job was daunting, attending interviews was utterly terrifying. Once I’d stopped shaking, my first interview in 20 years was actually ok. The two woman who interviewed me were lovely and all in all I was glad to get it under my belt. I didn’t get the job, but they did send […]
He-total: Life without Ex 