Teacher

11th January this year marked eight years since I asked E to leave. This year’s anniversary has coincided with a personal milestone moment for me and marks, I think, the point at which I have moved so completely into the new life that I have made for myself that I’m not sure that the Me that I was eight years ago would recognise the Me that I am now – where I am, how happy I am and what job I’m doing.

One of the first things I had to do when E left was find a job. I’d stopped work when we had Oldest Daughter and didn’t go back – meaning I gave up my career. I’m not sure I’d ever really considered what this meant for me long term or what I was actually giving up. There was certainly never any question of E sacrificing his career, and as the years went on and his salary went up, I considered myself lucky to be able to stay at home with the kids. 

I do remember feeling inadequate and a bit boring compared to the other women I knew who had careers (and E was always very quick to pass on the disparaging comments he’d ‘overheard’ about stay at home mums who did nothing but drink coffee and chat), so I definitely felt ‘less than’ but I did love being there for my kids and I filled the intellectual challenge gap with academic study- gaining a Masters Degree and other post-graduate qualifications and later, when the kids were older, I started doing some freelance writing and editing work. 

When E and I split up I was working towards another Masters Degree (with a view to pursuing a doctorate) and had regular writing work coming in – but it didn’t pay much, so I knew I needed to find full time work. The Masters had to go (who needs two Masters Degrees anyway?) and I had to accept that there was no way I was going to be able to pick up ‘my career’. So, for the first four years after E and I split up I did admin roles that paid the bills, but were ultimately unfulfilling (and,actually, in the case of the customer care job I did throughout the pandemic, properly soul destroying). Then, one July day, I saw an advertisement for a Teaching Assistant post at a local secondary school. 

It was funny, until that point I had never seriously considered the possibility of working in education (I had a disastrous interview for a lab tech job at the same school back in 2017 – but that was a role that didn’t involve working with the kids). I’m not sure why – I’d always loved my academic work and was passionate about English as a subject. I’d also spent the last ten years dealing with teenagers on a daily basis and I’d even done some English tutoring for friends’ kids. But the idea of marrying my love of English to my experience of dealing with teenagers just hadn’t occurred to me. But when I saw this ad, something clicked into place. I saw that there might be a possibility of doing a job where I could work with the subject I loved. It was like dark clouds clearing, it was suddenly crystal clear that this was the right move for me. I got the job and I started in September 2021 and I can honestly say I have loved every minute of my work ever since.

Within days of starting I was watching the teachers and thinking ‘I’d love to do that’….Of course, that enthusiasm was tempered by the fact that I very quickly realised what an incredible skill teaching is and how much I had to learn if I was ever going to be able to do it. I looked into the possibility of retraining as an English teacher, but I couldn’t afford to do it – I just couldn’t take an unpaid year to train. There was potentially a way to gain my Qualified Teacher Status without taking a year out but this would mean getting at least two years full time experience as an unqualified teacher which would take years given that I’d have to fit in alongside my full time job. However, never one to be deterred, I decided to try and get as much teaching experience as I could and see what happened. 

The school was brilliantly supportive. I gained Higher Level Teaching Assistant status and specialised in English, which meant I was able to do some small group teaching and, with the support of the English and Learning Support Departments, I began to teach Shakespeare and Victorian Novel revision sessions as well as Learning Support English Groups. They even gave me the chance to teach some full classes (Year 9 English Language – absolutely terrifying), and I gradually began to build teaching experience. However, teaching remained a small part of my timetable and I was increasingly beginning to fear that I’d never get enough experience to be able to pursue it as a career.

Then, in December, I was offered the opportunity to apply for a part time, maternity leave cover, teaching role. It offered the perfect opportunity to throw myself in at the deep end, to use the skills I’d developed over the last three years and to grow and train as a teacher. I applied and was given an interview on 16th January. I have never been as scared as I was that day – as well as an interview, I had to teach poetry to a year 9 class, whilst being observed by the Head of English and the Deputy Head (both of whom are thoroughly lovely people, but are vastly experienced and would be aware of every mistake I made). I cannot tell you how utterly overwhelming this was. I prepared for days – I had lesson plans, seating plans, slides, worksheets, contingency slides, speakers notes…..I’m not sure what my Year 9s thought, but for me the lesson itself was madness. All I know is that my brain was bouncing madly and I lost track of time. However, planning is all, and I did actually get through what I needed to get through in the 30 minutes I had to get through it. I also got some lovely responses and ideas from the kids, and hopefully they learned something.  I also, despite the pressure, actually enjoyed it.

Anyway – I GOT THE JOB (this is probably just was well as it would have been hugely embarrasing for the Head of English if I’d cried all over her)!

I never thought I would have a career again. I assumed I would just have to do jobs to pay the bills until I retired. But now, I’m about to embark on a career that means working with a subject that I’m passionate about. All those years of studying English, of Shakespeare and literature being how I spent my time for myself and the way I escaped the drudge of everyday life and now that’s my actual day job! Not only do I have a career, but it’s a career doing something that I love. It’s a career that I’ve worked hard for and that I’m really proud of.

I think though that my proudest and happiest moment was texting my kids and telling them that I’d got the job and seeing their reactions, seeing how proud they were of me. That was the best way I could have celebrated that eight year anniversary – with my kids celebrating new beginnings. This new job, this new career, marks the final step in my moving away from everything that happened eight years ago. I’ve spent a lot of time being proud of my kids, but at the moment I’m kind of proud of myself.

I’ll just say that again, I keep having to say it, because I still can’t quite believe it. I’m a teacher. I have a career. I am a teacher. Happy anniversary to me.