After Christmas and New Year, we had reached a kind of impasse. On the occasions he was home, E barely spoke to me. I was just unable to say anything at all. I don’t know how (and if we ever work it out, I’m sure the kids would pay good money for the secret), but […]
Tag: affairs
Last Christmas
I wish I could tell you accurately what I said, and what E said, but, by the time I’d summoned up the courage to tell E what I knew, I was drunk. I wouldn’t recommend tackling it the way I did – I was sobbing, stuff just tumbled out. In my defence, the state I […]
Panic
Oldest Daughter was amazing. I told her the truth about what I’d found. She told me that her Dad’s first affair was one of her oldest memories. I explained that after what had happened that I couldn’t see how I could trust him again or how we could stay together, but that I wanted to […]
Guilt
“Mum… Can I ask you something? Is Dad having another affair?” Oldest Daughter was pale, her face was haunted. I was momentarily stunned. I had no idea that she remembered the first affair. She’d been only-just eight at the time. I didn’t know that she remembered. I knew that at the time I’d been honest […]
Hope
I know this might sound odd, but one thing that I have realised because of everything that has happened with E, is how incredibly lucky I am. The things that have kept me going throughout all of this have been my amazing friends and my incredible family. They have provided unstinting support and love for […]
Parallel Universe
According to the myth, the thing trapped in Pandora’s box when she slammed the lid shut was hope. The morning after I’d looked at E’s laptop, I couldn’t see any hope at all. I was on autopilot. I woke the kids up as usual. I sorted their breakfasts as usual. I packed their lunches and checked […]
Opening the box (part two)
There was another Other Woman? I’d dreaded finding one, but never in my wildest nightmares had I expected to find two. The affair with had O started whilst he was living in Singapore. I’m not sure if it coincided with when we lived there as a family (between 2010 and 2012), but it was certainly […]
Opening the box (part one)
I stared hopelessly at the screen. I was acutely aware of the kids upstairs and how odd it would look if they saw me, sitting in the dark, using their dad’s laptop, I was also unsure of exactly where to look/what to look for. Back in 2008, I’d found out about affair number one when I […]
Pandora’s Box
In the dark of the dining room, the laptop screen was the only light. I went to turn it off but, glancing at the screen, I realised, that for the first time in four years, it had been left open, unlocked, I could access all the files… The cursor was blinking slowly. Did I want […]
If I be waspish…
If someone had told Past Me that one day I’d end up as someone whose partner had cheated on them multiple times, and that – in my late 40s and with four kids – I’d end up having to start my life all over again, I’d have laughed at them. But here we are. And […]
He-total: Life without Ex 